My wife and I just finished watching the Golf Channel special on PGA Tour golfer, Johnson Wagner, who also happens to be the husband of my wife’s first cousin, Katie. I’m not name dropping because I think name dropping is rather lame and pathetic, I’m just stating what’s true. Around 5:30 or so, my wife got a text–from her mom I believe, but I’m not sure–saying this would be coming on. We took our daughter and dog on a quick stroll and then ventured back to the homestead and flipped on the television. For any avid golf fans out there, you’ll know Johnson recently grew a stache, which rivals that of Adam Morrison, and what looks eerily similar to the one and only Super Mario.
I’m feeling the ‘stache. I get it. He grows the ‘stache, he wins the Sony Open in Hawaii. Coincidence? Hardly. We saw Katie and Johnson and the kids over Christmas, so the dude grew this pretty quick because, if I recall correctly, there was no sign of a mustache or above the lip hair follicles anywhere over Christmas. Granted, I had drank a couple by that point so my vision may have been off. Also, I didn’t realize I needed glasses at this time. That’s another story. I wear glasses now.
I felt the Golf Channel did a fairly good job of capturing the man and the mustache. Johnson’s a good guy — even if he does talk a little trash on UVA when in the company of us Wahoos. One thing I’ll say too: if you think he’s competitive at golf, you should challenge him to a game of ping pong. He cleaned up on my ass over Christmas a few years ago and everyone that stepped foot into the garage — and this was pre-stache, so imagine what he’d do now.
If you’d like to follow Johnson’s progress on the PGA Tour, you can visit his website at http://johnsonwagner.com. Apparently, the next times he’s down for a good ole Clifton get together I need to give him a few pointers on web design. I have a vision involving a nice stroke of HTML and CSS with a nice vector stylized mustache in the header.
I am growing a beard. Not that this is new. I’ve grown a beard before, usually about every two weeks because I’m too lazy to shave. It’s true. Why say otherwise? Every time I notice I’m growing a beard, I think of the Lagwagon song “Razor Burn.” If you’re not familiar with it, it goes a little something like this:
She broke up with me.
Two days later, she met Don Juan in Italy
She has a new man, I have a new mustache.
Now all my friends are gonna call me mountain man
And everyone will think that I’m a stupid drifter
To walk the earth alone, I’ll never shave again.
Granted, no one broke up with me. I’m married. Married people don’t break up. Married people get divorced and I am not getting divorced. This is also not a beard of shame. As I said a few sentences ago, it began as a beard of laziness. Now it’s just a beard. It’s funny too. This beard. I’ll grow it to a certain point and like it, and then the very next day it’ll look different and I’ll look at myself in the mirror and say, “Self, you look like an idiot. Shave your face.”
My wife likes it though. I’m not sure why, so I’ll keep it — at least for a few more days until it gets super itchy. No, I do not have a picture. My wife has the family camera. Maybe I’ll take a picture in a few days and post it. Maybe. Just maybe.
The latest unemployment figures have been released for Virginia. Albemarle County’s unemployment rate came in at 4.8%. Only Arlington (3.9%), Fairfax (4.3%), and Loudoun (4.3%) counties had lower overall unemployment figures. The City of Charlottesville’s unemployment rate fell from 6.5% … Continue reading →
POTENTIAL SUBHEAD 1: Wife says, “Finally, after 30 years.” POTENTIAL SUBHEAD 2: Ex wife says, “Yeah right, I bet.” POTENTIAL SUBHEAD 3: Doctor claims photographic evidence; wife responds, “The hell you do.” POTENTIAL SUBHEAD 4: Becomes most followed user on … Continue reading →
A Novel Idea I have taken the first steps in an epic journey: my first novel. Unlike previously bungled attempts, this time I will not turn back. I will not stall. I will not put this off any longer. I … Continue reading →
Inside Walgreens, Helmsley Redflower notices two of his co-workers standing at the 50-75% clearance display. Both male. The co-workers do not see him and are thus engaged in conversation, as much as he can determine from the distance at which … Continue reading →
Although the University of Virginia men’s basketball team has been plagued by injury and transfers this year, there is a shining spot headed to the Charlottesville program in the fall. His name: Justin Anderson (Montrose Christian HS). Standing at 6’7″, 220 lbs., Anderson had originally committed to the University of Maryland, prior to the departure of head coach Gary Williams. As a 4-star recruit, ranked 9th at his position of Small Forward, Anderson is known for his “off the charts athletic ability” (ESPN, Scouting Report 5/26/11), averaging 17.2 ppg/8 rpg for the 2011-12 season. Here’s a little taste of what will hit John Paul Jones arena come the 2012-13 season. And I have to ask: when, in recent memory (or any memory), has UVA had a player of this caliber with that much explosiveness driving to the hole?:
Thomas Thwaites has an English accent. I have a southern Virginia accent. Although there is absolutely no audio to go along with this, thus making the last two sentences pointless, you should, regardless, visit The Nervous Breakdown to read my … Continue reading →
