Where else can I hide this damn Elf on the Shelf? That’s the first thought that pops into my head each morning when I wake. The closer you get to Christmas, the less options you have. There is a rule, right? The unspoken rule the Elf of the Shelf can’t sit in the same two places in one holiday season… or did I make that one up?
Do you live by that rule in your household, too? It can’t be us alone, can it?
All this to say that I’m fairly certain my kids know that our Elf on the Shelf isn’t real. At least I hope they don’t think it’s actually magical anymore. They are 12 and 14 years old, after all. And I’m pretty sure they’ve known this for at least the last four years, all despite the hectic race around the house my wife and I play each morning trying to find a new nesting spot for Peppermint Patty.
That’s the name of our Elf on the Shelf by the way. Peppermint Patty, named after the character in the Peanuts gang with Charlie Brown and Snoopy.
Or it subconsciously could be named after the candy.
Or maybe even further subconsciously after my nickname when I worked in construction (also based on the candy and my small bladder). I mean, we have shortened her name as the years have gone by to PP.
Allison, how do we even spell our elf’s name: is it Peppermint Patty or Peppermint Pattie? We should’ve nailed this down a decade ago when we made the unforgiving mistake to purchase one of these things. The marketing got us. It really did.
Elf on the Shelf, where do I hide thee today?
We started the season of hiding our Elf on the Shelf sentimentally. I wrapped Peppermint Patty’s right arm around a photo of our beloved family dog like she was giving her a hug. That was day one. The day after Thanksgiving. Exactly one year since Motzie passed.
In hindsight, maybe not my wisest Day 1 choice as a parent because my daughter stayed up half the night looking at old photos of our dog saying how much she missed her. She even read one of my blogs about her. My daughter never reads my blogs. Probably a good thing.
“Your dad still blogs?” What a loser.
Day 2 we rolled with dangling her by a limb on our Christmas tree. Day 3, in a stocking. Day 4 on the fireplace mantle. We knocked out all the traditional spots. Twenty days in, I’m hiding her in shoes laying around in the floor that haven’t been put where they belong. Peppermint Patty doesn’t smell as nice as she did on Day 1.
This morning, at 6 AM, as I wiped the sleepies from my eyes, I heard my wife say, “Where else can I hide this thing?”
Hell if I know, I thought.
“Your problem today,” I said.
Then she placed our Elf on the Shelf on my acoustic guitar. Guess who’s not playing guitar today? This guy.
Because you can’t touch your Elf on the Shelf once you place it somewhere. It’ll lose its magical abilities and no longer be able to communicate with Santa.
Here’s a relatable parenting question (I think)
Raise your hand if you’re a parent who has used your Elf on the Shelf in prior years to get your children to behave.
**Raises hand**
It’s like the Elf on the Shelf is all-hearing and all-knowing. A stuffed demigod you can buy at your local Target.
About a week ago, my son made the comment that our Elf on the Shelf had already been in one place in our kitchen.
“Hasn’t PP already sat here?” he said.
“No,” I said. “Definitely not.”
Of course, after he left for school and I thought harder on the subject, I realized yes, Peppermint Patty had been in that spot previously. A complete fumble and miscommunication had transpired between the parents of the house, my wife and me.
What a blunder.
Or maybe it was just me.
Did I place the Elf on the Shelf in the same spot over the span of two weeks? Have you ever committed this unspeakable crime against humanity?
It’s gotten to the point that I’m likely to stash this thing in the refrigerator groping a can of Coca-Cola tomorrow morning. It’s my turn. Bonus: it’s at least one way to get my kids not to drink my damn drink since I know they won’t touch this elf.
Hmm.
I may have to go out and buy some Reese’ Cups for the coming week so I can simultaneously place this thing in the kitchen cabinets and get to eat my delectable treats at bedtime when the kids are snoozing.
Now we’re thinking outside the box.
Where do you hide your Elf on the Shelf each day?
Share this link on social media and let others know your best Elf on the Shelf hiding spots in the house. Ever gone the shoe route? No? Don’t judge. I was running out of time before my kids rose from their slumber to see what was the matter.
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