Every year we are late in getting a pumpkin. I swear we buy a pumpkin either the day before Halloween or on Halloween, every single year. It’s become a bit of a family tradition at our house. But not this year. Oh, no. We did it, baby! We got a pumpkin in time!
Last weekend we bought our pumpkin. We picked it at a pumpkin patch. Technically, an orchard that was in a hurried process of being overtaken by invasive lanternflies. Two pumpkins actually — one large, one small. Will either pumpkin still be around by the time the ghouls of October 31 make their appearance? Probably not, and there are two reasons why:
- Squirrels
- Crows
Squirrel vs pumpkin: not even a worthy competition
I’ve startled many squirrels over the years while walking to our front porch. The squirrels are inside the pumpkin eating it from the inside out unaware of my coming presence. Talk about spazzing out. I wish the squirrels knew I mean them no harm. For their sake, it’s probably better to be wary of all humans, however. At a certain point in our crossing of paths on the evolutionary chain, humans did eat squirrels.
Some still do.
Squirrels appear to remember this. A reminder passed down at birth from one generation to the next:
Don’t trust the hoo-man, the squirrels tell their kittens. Just when you think it’s safe, they’ll get desperate and eat you. Their future is a dystopian one. That is why we live in the trees for all eternity.
The warning I imagine squirrels share with their children
Next up, crows.
Do jack-o-lanterns stand a chance against a crow’s beak?
Not hardly. Crows love pumpkin. I’ve caught Mr. Jones and his rag-tag crew of corvids bludgeoning with their big beaks our pumpkins of yesteryear countless times.
I don’t mind though.
Pumpkins are ripe with vitamins and nutrients like Vitamins A, C, and E. They’ve got folate, potassium, fiber, and antioxidants out the you know what. What’s not to love from the standpoint of sustenance? And that’s how I view pumpkins more or less when it comes to animals. They may be mostly decorative for us humans, but to a squirrel or a crow, or any other animal, it’s a nutrient-rich dietary source.
Nor do I throw our pumpkins in the trash when they start to rot. Makes no sense. I put our soon decaying pumpkins in our backyard in the compost bin, with the top removed from the pumpkin, and let nature take its course.
Who will find the pumpkin in the compost bin first: the squirrels or the crows? The symbiotic battle is on.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must tell you something to please never do when it comes to pumpkins
A few days ago Country Living Magazine published the article, “Can pumpkin-eating squirrels be stopped?” It includes various methods you can try, including how well it worked for the author of the story, to deter squirrels from getting at your pumpkins. Four of the five methods are fine.
However, I would advise against “Method 4: Petroleum Jelly” entirely. If squirrels nibbling or chomping away at your pumpkins bothers you, sure, try the other methods; but do not coat your pumpkin in petroleum jelly as a deterrent.
Should I even have to write this?
Virginia Tech, in an article unrelated to squirrels, also noted petroleum jelly as a way to keep pumpkins from rotting prematurely. WTF, people?! At least they did caveat the petroleum jelly reference by telling people not to use real candles in or around your petroleum jelly coated pumpkin, because you know, petroleum jelly is, what’s that word? Flammable.
Apparently this petroleum jelly + pumpkin combo nonsense is all over the Internet. Google it and you’ll see what I mean.
Even if squirrels drive you nuts, think about the birds. Then pause and ask yourself: should I be coating an edible fruit I’m placing in my yard with a petroleum-based substance? Birds will take to pumpkins (for its seeds and its flesh). I mentioned crows above, but a variety of bird species love eating pumpkin, including:
- Chickadees
- Sparrows
- Cardinals
- Blue jays
- Juncos
- Nuthatches
- Mourning doves
- Woodpeckers
And while ingesting a small amount of petroleum jelly may not harm most birds (although it can), it’s more about their feathers coming into contact with petroleum jelly. It can reduce a bird’s mobility, making it more difficult to fly as well as reduce their ability to regulate their body temperature against the elements.
It’s not like they have hands and a bottle of Dawn dish detergent to remove the petroleum jelly if they brush up against it. If you, as a human, want to see how easy it is to get petroleum jelly out of your hair, be my guest. Smear it on liberally. The kicker: you can’t use your hands or Dawn dish soap to get it off.
Good luck.
Going back to the Country Living article, which method would I recommend as someone who has to contend with squirrels eating bird seed by the bag in my backyard on a routine basis?
Method 3: Cayenne Pepper.
The reason?
Squirrels have heat receptors like us. They don’t like hot and spicy things, especially when it’s freshly coated. I mean, they may like spicy food. I like spicy food. But you know, fire in the hole as they say. Birds, on the other hand, lack these heat receptors within their mouths. It’s why hot bird seed, while expensive as hell, is your best bet at a bird feeder that a squirrel will find a way to exploit. Granted, within a few days or following rain, you’re out of luck.
But that’s just how it goes with squirrels.
If there’s a will, there’s a way.
Speaking of which, as I was writing this, both my large and small pumpkins resting on my front porch were nibbled on. It’s hard to say who the exact culprit is. It’s definitely either a hole punched in the top from a large beak (crow) or the incisor of an eastern gray squirrel.
Oh, well.
I can always buy a new pumpkin on Halloween. It’s a family tradition, after all.
If you enjoyed this, you may also like this story about a one-eyed squirrel I nicknamed Kurt Russell or this poem I wrote about a crow I call Mr. Jones.