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The Adventures of Fatherman

(Oh) Henry

Ready or not, here I come.

On Wednesday, April 17, 2013, my wife and I welcomed our second child into the world: a son by the name of Henry. He came fast as if sliding furiously quick down a sliding board, legs splayed, the umbilical cord looking more like a bungee cord than a metabolic interchange from mother to son; and so fast that our doctor — who had just stepped out for a bowl of chili — did not make it back in time to catch (actual words spoken from our room to the nurse’s station: “paging Dr. Arnold”; “he needs to run fast”; “he needs to run faster”), nor did our nurse who had been with us all morning; instead, a nurse from the hallway station had to dash in, though I should not use the word dash since she came in rather calm and nonchalantly until my wife said, “I NEED TO PUSH! I FEEL THE NEED TO PUSH”, then the nurse looks down and sees the baby’s head crowning, then tells my wife to push again, then here comes Henry (two pushes, I am not exaggerating) full speed ahead as heretofore mentioned above.

mother-after-giving-birth
A happy mother after giving birth

That’s my boy

He took his sweet time, missing his due date (April 15) by a couple of days after having previously psyched out my wife at the end of March with false labor for four days; then when he was ready, he was ready.

Lil Wayne?

The middle name bestowed upon Henry is Wayne — after my dad. My dad was Reginald Wayne but everybody called him Wayne. My middle name is Wayne, too, in case you ever get a future trivia question regarding current and former Phenix, Virginia residents with the middle name Wayne.

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Still can’t believe my mom ever convinced my dad to put on a lei for this picture

Here’s another: what was the name of Mike’s Service Center before Mike’s Service Center? Dahm’s Duck Inn.

You’re welcome.

Perhaps, I can find a gold grill pacifier for Henry and we can refer to him as Lil Wayne. They are almost the same height already.

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By Jeffrey Pillow

Jeffrey Pillow is an American short story writer, memoirist, and poet. He is the author of The Lady Next Door. His writing has been published in Urge Magazine, The Nervous Breakdown, 16 Blocks, USA Today, Sports Illustrated, TheBody.com, New York Times, Washington Post, and Richmond Times-Dispatch.

He grew up in the small town of Phenix, Virginia, population: 200, and now lives in Charlottesville with his wife, two kids, and a dog named Mozzarella Cheese. He is a graduate of the University of Virginia where he was a Rainey Scholar. This is his blog.

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