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The Adventures of Fatherman

Stuff My Three Year Old Son Said Today: Volume 2 (A Halloween Special)

It’s the day before Halloween, and my three year old son sure did come through for me in “Stuff My Three Year Old Son Said Today: Volume Two (A Halloween Special).”

It’s the day before Halloween, and my three year old son sure did come through for me in “Stuff My Three Year Old Son Said Today: Volume Two (A Halloween Special).”

Prior to carving the pumpkin this afternoon, my wife Allison asked the kids to draw a picture of what they wanted the pumpkin to look like. (This was really a gimmick so that we could eat dinner in peace since they had already eaten. I offer this wisdom to you young parents. Heed my sage advice.)

As my wife and I proceeded to eat dinner in the dining room while the kids drew away in the playroom,¬†we overheard my son say to my daughter, “This is the penis on the skeleton.”*

I about lost my jasmine rice, as did my wife.

Then later tonight at bedtime, I was laying in bed with my son and daughter shooting the breeze. My son gets on a Ghostbusters kick (apparently my wife played the song for him earlier today), telling us what we need to do “if there’s something strange in the neighborhood and it don’t look good.” Because he can be so hilarious if you just let him talk, I sneakily hit the record button on my phone in my pocket.

Click play below to hear the audio that transpired.

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*My brain immediately reverted to a middle school mentality and thought, ‘boner’

By Jeffrey Pillow

Jeffrey Pillow is an American short story writer, memoirist, and poet. He is the author of The Lady Next Door. His writing has been published in Urge Magazine, The Nervous Breakdown, 16 Blocks, USA Today, Sports Illustrated, TheBody.com, New York Times, Washington Post, and Richmond Times-Dispatch.

He grew up in the small town of Phenix, Virginia, population: 200, and now lives in Charlottesville with his wife, two kids, and a dog named Mozzarella Cheese. He is a graduate of the University of Virginia where he was a Rainey Scholar. This is his blog.