Grief Finds a Way

Sometimes I write things that are sad or come off as sad. I’m not a sad person by nature. I’m a jokester, carefree the majority of my waking hours. When I write a sad piece, I feel like I should go back in and revise it to add a line up top stating in bold:

• Don’t worry. I’m not sad, or
• I’m okay. I just needed to get this out.

The truth is the only time anyone should be worried about me isn’t when I’m writing. It’s if you notice I haven’t written for a while.

If I didn’t write these sad things I would be sad. I know this because I once was a sad person finding my way through the grieving process. I was bumbling about in an existential crisis of sorts — a skeletal finger drifting out a dark robe forcing my hand.

You can only run from grief so long before it catches up with you

I’ve learned not to push my grief away. I embrace it because I know if I avoid it, it will find a way. I’ve always said grief finds a way. You can’t run from it. You can’t mask it. You can try. But you will fail because it will find you.

I’d rather face it head on rather than it catching me off guard because I’ve tricked myself into thinking I’ve managed to dodge it or that I’m okay when I’m not okay. There’s no dodging grief forever.

That’s the conclusion I’ve come to over the years at least: write about your sadness or face the consequence of your sadness transforming into something darker like depression or anger. When you face your sadness, you are able to see that sometimes sadness is happiness disguised.

As Leo Tolstoy said, “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

Or as our modern day philosopher and Point Break actor, Keanu Reeves, once said, “Grief changes shape, but it never ends.”

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