Why God Made Tall People: A Haiku

God made tall people
So you wouldn’t have to walk
Through spiderwebs first.

Author’s Note: God didn’t make us so we’d only be able to help you get things from the top shelf at the grocery store, dunk a basketball with relative ease, or singlehandedly support the entire back pain industrial complex.

He created us to clear out all the walking paths for our more vertically challenged brethren. According to the research, I stand in the 99th percentile for height in the United States as well as globally. I’m not a giant and I don’t consider myself that tall so I was a bit surprised to see this being 6’4″.

I will say that in photos of myself standing alongside other people is when I notice the height disparity. I look like I could pick everyone up off the ground and spin them around on my fingertip like a regulation basketball. That I have a 6’8″ wingspan is the more odd part of my height. Can you scratch your kneecaps standing upright? I can.