Stuff My Three Year Old Son Said Today: Volume 1

By Jeffrey Pillow on September 16, 2016 — 2 mins read

I feel like I need to make this a series of some sort… some ongoing diary cataloguing the usually hilarious, sometimes insightful things my three year old son says. I should have done this on a regular basis with my daughter when she was younger too. I did it inconsistently—kept a journal of the things she said. You always say “Oh, I’ll remember that,” but you rarely ever do, no matter how funny or unique it is.

At breakfast

Son: I want a banana.
Me: (I hand him a banana)
Son: I don’t want a banana! I want cheese.
Me: You said you wanted a banana.
Son: I want cheese!
Me: (I hand him cheese)
Son: (Eats cheese)
Me: (Drinks coffee)
Son: I want a banana.
Me: (Hands him a banana)
Son: (Takes one bite of banana) I’m done.

On the ride to school as music plays

That’s my jam.

Walking into pre-school

I don’t have a tick on my penis today. (He had a seed tick in his nether region the day prior)

After school

Son: I saw a real life dragon today at pre-school.
Me: You did?
Son: Yes.

At the dinner table

Son: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Son: I was talking to Mommy.

While I searched for a kid-friendly super hero movie for Family Movie Night on Amazon Instant Video

Look, look! It’s Superman. (As an image of Nacho Libre [Jack Black bare chested wearing a cape] passes by my son’s eyes on the TV screen)

Superman after eating lots of nachos
Superman after eating lots of nachos

During the movie

Son: I like bad guys. Bad guys are good. Batman is a bad guy.
Me: Batman is a good guy.
Son: Batman is a bad guy.
Daughter: Batman is a good guy Henry.
Son: I said Batman is a bad guy.
Daughter: No, Batman is a good guy.
Son: Batman is a bad guy (Then he makes this squealing sound which sounds like what I can only imagine a pterodactyl sounds like regurgitating its meal for its baby pterodactyls in the nest perched high atop a tree during the late Triassic period)

A little while later during the movie

Son: Motzie tooted. (Motzie is our dog)
Daughter: Ewww!
Son: I’m gonna toot on your pooty butt butt.
Daughter: I’m gonna toot on your pooty butt butt face tooty butt head.


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