The indecision’s bugging me . . .
Should I stay or should I go now.
For a solid year now, I’ve considered pulling the plug on this blog. Truth be told, I’ve mulled this decision longer than a year. It started when I vanished from all social media a few years ago. I left social media for a number of reasons. Nevermind the politics, recipes, religious conversions, growing families. I left social media because I find it inherently unsocial. But social media is a topic for another day.
In theory, killing off this blog would be easy. It would take me all of 30 minutes. But in theory is not in reality. And with reality comes questions I’ve asked myself. Questions I don’t have all the answers to.
Over the last ten years or so, I’ve used this blog primarily as a means to address the after effects of my dad’s death. In a sentence: it’s how I came to understand his life and his departure from mine. The wake it left behind. It’s how I grieved, in many ways.
As we grow older, we grow apart from friends and family. Living in Charlottesville and being a good two hours or more from most of my lifelong friends, I’ve come to know that more intimately than I care to admit. It’s an odd thing, humans being tribal creatures, yet culturally, modern day, moving away from our tribes.
For me, writing was like a friend to me. The ear I needed. A therapist without a degree framed on the wall. It’s who I talked to when no one was there to listen. It’s how I laid my heart bare.
I’m still unsure of what the future holds for this blog. I’m willing to give it another go, but on my own newfound terms.
I’m writing this not for attention. I’m writing this as an honest open letter to those who’ve read this blog for so long. And, to myself. It’s been quiet here a while, save for moments here and there. I think I needed the quiet.
But sometimes I need to let the noise out.