When Geese Attack; or, How I Almost Got My Ass Kicked by a Canadian Goose

11 thoughts on “When Geese Attack; or, How I Almost Got My Ass Kicked by a Canadian Goose”

  1. I don’t have a story, but this had me rolling! I mean, sorry about your luck, but please keep the real talk coming! 🙂

  2. Funny you mention deer. One of my buddies did a mountain marathon a few years back & had a run in with an aggressive buck. He said the rack on it would have speared him through had he not fallen down a hill when it charged. You never think of deer doing that sort of thing. Glad to hear your grandfather made it out alright.

    1. That’s crazy. Sounds like the hill came in handy for your friend. I wonder if it was mating season for the deer. Bad time to schedule a marathon in the mountains if so.

      Don’t get me wrong: I’m not some chickenshit when it comes to deer and don’t live life under the motto: FEAR THE DEER. (Isn’t that a Milwaukee Bucks slogan?) I never even thought twice about it until my grandpa. The one that injured him was petrified. It jumped through his side door window, got stuck, and then spazzed out entirely until it was free.

      But I do view them differently now — particularly a buck. And come mating season? Not me, the deer. No thank you. Animals are territorial: dogs, geese. Have you ever seen two giraffe fight?


      Nature is nature. Beautiful and violent in the same breath at times.

  3. Oh my gosh…..this was hilarious!!! I work at an office park & have had every one of these thoughts go through my head when I go for a walk at lunchtime …..ha ha ha

    1. You have to watch ’em. They don’t mess around. It’s been over a year since I wrote this and I still keep my distance. I look like a total wimp, of course. Judging by how I act, you’d think they were a violent street gang I am trying to avoid. Nope, just geese. I much prefer ducks. I love ducks. I wish the ducks would rise up and overthrow the geese. A man can dream.

  4. Walk away? Forget that. STAND YOUR GROUND. Our ancestors didn’t claw their way to the top of the food chain for us to back down when confronted by bloody geese.

    If they hiss at you that’s when you HISS BACK. Put your arms over your head, make yourself look bigger, and walk towards him. I’ve never had one refuse to back down when I do this, even when they’ve got goslings. If one of them ever stands his ground he’s going to find himself removed from the gene pool.

    I won’t go out of my way to hurt them but they’re going to make way for ME, not the other way around. Your ancestors came out of the trees and took on the big cats; grow a spine and remind the animals why fear of homo sapiens is a attribute favored by natural selection.

  5. I so enjoyed your article! A co-worker was attacked by a goose and as I Googled how to avoid an attack, I came across your post.
    Well-written. Enjoyable and funny!

    1. Thanks for reading Tess. Those geese don’t play. I often remind myself they are the descendants of dinosaurs, perhaps specifically even raptors, and therefore should not be underestimated.

  6. This happened to my boyfriend and I on a twelve mile run and it was the most crazy thing ever. To this day we avoid them. It was so freaky!! I cracked up at this article because it’s SO true. They even have little teeth. So weird. I didn’t know they could make a sound like that. I hope the ducks overthrow them one day….one day.

    1. Yeah, they don’t play. The only time I don’t have a tinge of fear run down my spine when I’m near them is if I’m walking my dog. They get out of dodge when they see her. Glad you and your boyfriend are okay and you didn’t get your goose cooked on the twelve miler. Pun intended.

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